Super Bowl Party Conversation Starters For Non-Football Fans

Relieve the stress of small talk with these pre-written pigskin-related questions and topics.

Author by John Devore

“Hello, my name is _______. Will you be my Super Bowl Party friend?”

“I have crippling social anxiety. How about you?”

“The ‘end zone’ is the exact opposite of the ‘friend-zone,’ you know?'”

“I am rooting for your team to win even though I am not emotionally invested in either of them!”

“I like being invited to parties. Do you like being invited to parties?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what I love more about football — the touchdowns or the injuries. What do you think?”

“My football clap is 60 percent golf clap and 40 percent opera clap.”

“Do you think there will be any amusing commercials with surprise celebrity cameos?”

“Roman numerals are just numbers with a liberal arts degree.”

“111 million people watched last year’s Super Bowl, which is 57 million more people than voted in the 2016 presidential election.”

“The New England Patriots have played in the highest number of Super Bowls, which is 9. I like clam chowder.”

“Excuse me, but can I get you a goldfish bowl of Ranch dressing or a small trampoline of nachos?”

“Am I supposed to stand for the National Anthem during the whole game?”

“Cheerleaders probably have to rehearse a lot.”

“The coin toss would be more exciting if the coin was the size of a pizza and weighed as much as a frozen turkey.”

“The halftime show is my favorite part because it combines two noble American art forms: Broadway and Monster Truck Rallies.”

“I don’t know about you, but I like it when TV sportscasters wear shiny lavender suits.”

“Do you think this 47-layer dip could use a layer of vanilla frosting?”

“Remember that it’s not about whether you win or lose, wait no, I’m wrong.”

“The first Super Bowl was played on January 15th, 1967, between the Green Bay Packers and the Kansas City Chiefs! Anyway, have you ever heard of ‘Google’?”‘

“Would you be interested in bumping fists or smashing bellies or butterfly kissing now that your team scored points?”

“Some people think that the NFL is a bloodsport that subjects its players to irreparable brain damage, but those people are just doctors.”

“If you’re hungry or sick, then you shouldn’t pray during the Super Bowl because God is busy watching it, huh?”

“I would watch something called ‘dinosaur olympics,’ wouldn’t you?”‘

“Super Bowl commercial spots can cost up to $5 million for 30 seconds — with that kind of money I could buy 8,333 front row tickets to Hamilton.”

“I hear it can get really nasty at the bottom of the pile, mostly because of the farts.”

“The desperate excesses and gross commercialism of the Super Bowl sure makes you think about late capitalism, doesn’t it? Or not!”

“I wish Super Bowl rings were the same as Green Lantern Corps rings.”

“I am sorry your team is losing. I know how difficult it is to express human emotions in public. Here, let me stroke your hair.”

“If I had it my way, Super Bowl Sunday would be replaced by a Lord of the Rings marathon during which our country learned the valuable lesson that friendship is the most important thing.”

“I enjoy watching people enjoy things even when it makes me feel awkward.”

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About Woolly

A curious exploration of comfort, wellness, and modern life — emotionally supported by Casper. It’s a beautiful magazine published by a mattress. Come on, you know it’s not the weirdest thing to happen this year. The first issue includes a love letter to comfort pants, a skeptic's guide to crystals, and an adulting coloring book.